Stress Mangement Exercise #1 -- Meditate

For many of us men, being still, let alone the idea of meditation, is a lot like doing nothing. As men, we are socialized to believe that a fulfilled life is one of action, producing, providing. Our lives are consumed with an endless to-do list of activities, giving us the impression of truly living.

Maybe it's the silence in being still that we feel uncomfortable about. Thomas Merton wrote that maybe we fear silence because we may hear the sounds of our own suffering. It is certainly a possibility. But we would be connected with our true self, as apposed to an image. Life is suffering, the Buddha taught. It is an endless letting go of that which is.

Meditation is simply an exercise of being still and breathing. That's it. Nothing more. It is a way of taking time to pause and let our souls catch up with us. It is, moreover, one of the key practices in any personal stress management plan. And for us men that may live fast paced lives, it is a simple enough exercise to do anywhere, and at any time of the day. I usually meditate it in the morning as part of my morning ritual. I have done it in my office, and on particularly stressful days, I have even done it in a McDonald's. Here is a simple way to begin your practice:

• Find a comfortable place with minimal distractions (of course this is the ideal)


• Close your eyes and sit back with your back straight


• Take a deep breath slowly through your nose, and let it out slowly through you mouth (do this three times)


• Be still for 5 minutes


• That's it.

Over time, you may want to increase your meditation time. You may also want to do it as a morning ritual before your coffee, or at night, before you go to bed, as a way of letting go of the day. It is all up to you.

Measuring up to Dad

Many of us men try to measure up to our own fathers, whether it's trying to be as successful or better in business, sports or even being a "better father" than they may have been to us. At 48 years of age, I'm also trying to measure up to my Dad as well, only it's in terms of his health versus mine.

My father has been living with cancer on and off for the last five years. First he had cancer of a kidney, which was removed, later his prostrate, which was also removed. At the moment, he is free of the disease, and I pray everyday that it never returns. I have breakfast with my Dad at least once a month. We catch up with each other, but inevitably he asks: "So, how's your health?"

My father may not realize it, but he is still teaching me; and I'm taking notes, trying to be better at taking care of my body than my Dad has done with his. He shares of the pain and humiliation; the frequent doctor's appointments, and, yes, even his fears. Yes, I am still trying to measure up to my Dad. . . So how's your health?